What's that I hear? A heartbeat. A faint one but yet a distinct heartbeat. Shallow breathing. Somehow FTPP has escaped a near death experience. They've seen the light at the end of the tunnel and have fought their way back into a possible, not probable, win this weekend.
They've pulled themselves off life support with the help of Ben Roethlisberger, Kevin Jones and Greg Jennings. Big Ben has inserted a breathing tube, Jones is doing chest compressions and Jennings is the worried little wife standing in the corner.
We have been forced to move this matchup from a Slaughter alert to Game of the Week. It's going to be magical. It's going to have all the pageantry of a cross between Dancing with Stars and Dog the Bounty Hunter throwing the N word around. This is going to be better than drunk topless female midget coleslaw wrestling. Fat chicks eating vomit couldn't out match this match up, well maybe. I'm filling up just thinking about it.
You have two top notch QB's blasting away. One a complete homosexual that plays for the Steelers, the other could bang Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba and Jessica Simpson until they were all retarded and crippled and still put up 50 points in the same hour. Edge Ass Crust.
The running backs are sensational. James and Lynch. McGahee and Jones. Look for the Steelers to do this to McGahee, www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSySFNv9xNE, while Jones will put up great numbers. Lynch will run freely on the Bengals and James should have a pretty solid day. Edge Ass Crust.
Then we've got the wide receives. A glaring whole in FTPP's lineup. There's not much depth there but don't be surprised if some sleepers show studdly flashes this week. On the other side of the ball, Ass Crust is loaded. Wayne and Boldin should both have great games. Wayne may have a bit more of a struggle against an amazing New England defense but Manning should be able to find him plenty. Warner and Boldin work well together and Tampa Bay should give them plenty of opportunities. Edge: Ass Crust
We won't even discuss kickers. Gostkowski is solid this year.
The glaring whole for Ass Crust this week is Defense. He's taking a chance on a long shot Falson D holding a struggling 49er's offense. FTPP's Jaguars should be solid this week.
Well folks. It'll all come down to which players show up this week and which ones are out robbing liquor stores. Fortunately Chris Henry isn't playing in this one or we'd have to put out an APB for him.
Ass Crust still has a pretty good chance of locking up the first week bye this week but it's not going to be the walk in the park as previously expected. Damn modern medicine. Damn life support. And damn that faint heartbeat I'm hearing.
Final Updated Prediction: FTPP 107 ... Ass Crust 124
FEAR THE CRUST
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