Week 9 Predictions

Funky Town Puppet Pimps (5-3) - Ass Crust (8-0) Slaughter Alert

Why Ass Crust will win: Brady finally has a tough match up and may not put up 40 but he'll still be solid and we all know Peyton Manning sucks Brady off. James and Lynch should run wild like a couple of pedophiles running after the school bus.

Why FTPP will win: Brees has been on fire and Westbrook is lighting (Editor's Note, Brees and Westbrook weren't playing because FTPP had to bench them since he lost a bet to Ass Crust)...wait wait wait, they aren't playing. Let's start over. Why FTPP will lose: First of all, he's already Ass Crust's bitch. Secondly, he doesn't have enough depth to cover for Westbrook and Brees. Kenny Watson isn't starting. He's so desparate at this point he'll suck your dick for a RB.

What will happen: Ass Crust should lock in their first round bye this week with a solid win. FTPP will call up his boyfriend Poop because he'll need the comforting touch of a man. Brady will throw touchdowns back and forth forever.

Final Prediction: FTPP 79 ... Ass Crust 139

Swamp Donkey (3-5) - River Rats (3-5) Cage Match of the Week

Why Swamp Donkey will win: Culter will have much better success against the Lions that Griese did. Steve Smith is one pissed off motherfucker yet again. Not to mention Willie Parker has been eating eating opposing defenses and shiting out Jerry's Kids.

Why River Rats will win: Is the NE D good enough to stop Manning? River Rats better hope not, or maybe he should since he's playing both. Talk about being fucking conflicted. How do you even root for that game? Well somehow they'll both be solid. TJ go big and wish Chad Johnson good luck with his new team next year.

What will happen: This will be like two bums kicking each others asses over a pack of smokes and a bottle of Mad Dog. Both are fighting for a spot in the playoffs, not to mention one will gain ground on FTPP this week since he will lose. This will be close. The difference will be that Steve Smith will once again be a dud without a solid QB.

Final Prediction: Swamp Donkey 110 ... River Rats 113

KNUCKINFUTZ (1-7) - Poop (5-3)

Why Knuckinfutz will win: Curtis, Holmes and Welker will all have solid games. Garcia is improving every week and this will be a huge week for him. Rumor has it Knuckinfutz hired retarded midget hookers for Poop's team to distract them all week in practice.

Why Poop will win: Romo will face a tough Phillie D but he'll be able to pick them apart. Moss, Peterson and Gates will be the difference makers this week. The retarded midget hookers had no effect on Poop's team since they are all gay pedophiles.

What will happen: Better luck next time Knuckinfutz. Knuckinfutz has some talent and Gore isn't really getting things done lately, but I just don't see him being able to overcome Poop.

Final Prediction: Knuckinfutz 99 ... Poop 117

E-Dub Gangsta's (1-7) - Erie Warriors (6-2)

Why E-Dub will win: This should be the week his team comes together as long as he sets the lineup, but since I have no idea what he's going to do I'll just say that Favre will get it done.

Why Erie Warriors will win: Stacked with WR talent. Anderson is quickly becoming a top QB. Word has it E-Dub's players are all high on twizzlers and popcorn balls after they went out as the Seven Dwarfs on Halloween.

What will happen: E-Dub crashes from the sugar high. Erie Warriors gives them a dirty sanchez and then finishes off with a cleveland steamer.

Final Prediction: E-Dub 75 ... Erie Warriors 111

Glass Bottom Boats (2-6) Plumbdumb (6-2)

Why Glass Bottom Boats will win: I really want to give you reasons why, but damn this is uglier than an older ladie in a scat video, which sometimes is hot.

Why Plumbdumb will win: LT and Galloway will all that he needs to win.

What will happen: Check please. Glass Bottom Boats is done. This won't be pretty. Think bloody diarhea mixed with vomit and corn nuts.

Final Prediction: Glass Bottom Boats 56 ... Plumbdumb 104